


VENOM'S blog not eddie's

by candleaight (itsmesammie)



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Blogging, eddie and venom have DEF fucked, food blog, i guess, idk this is my first fic yall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-10-07 11:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17364734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmesammie/pseuds/candleaight
Summary: Eddie did not appreciate Venom's contributions to his journalistic career. Venom starts his own blog focusing on the (second, after Eddie) most important thing in his life. Food.





	1. egg

**Author's Note:**

> yeah uhh  
> first fic yall

Posted January 5, 2019 @ 1:15 AM. 

hello internet. eddie is sleeping now. eddie was upset with me this morning. he said i should “start my own damn blog” instead of “posting intimate details about our sex life” to his. i dont understand why he’s so upset. he likes it when people almost see us. theres not really a difference. 

whatever. he thinks i should document my time here. i am recording all the different foods we consume. eddie taught me how to cook eggs “properly” today. but i like them raw,, and crunchy. 

  


egg recipe 

ingredients:  


  * egg  

  * eight whole egg  




  


step one: put eight egg on plate 

step two: look at all those egg 

step three: congratuleggtion  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please! Leave a comment and let me know how I did! I welcome the feedback!!!!
> 
> catch me swirling chocolate milk in a wine glass at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/
> 
> Edit: The egg recipe came from Tumblr. I forgot to give credit. The op is no longer at the same url tho :/


	2. pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh my gODd you guys are actually interacting with this fic
> 
> bless yall
> 
> I want to let you know that I've read each comment at least 10 times. Like, not exaggerating here. Thank you guys so much for reading.

Posted January 7, 2019 @ 1:43 AM

hello. i went out with eddie tonight. we caught dinner. and then we rented a movie. aliens. it was enjoyable, albeit inaccurate. the alien’s teeth aren’t sharp enough. how would it eat without being able to dig and hook into flesh.

i am still hungry. eddie taught me how to order pizza for lunch today. i will need to find his pants. and his wallet.

 

pizza

 

ingredients:

  * money



 

step one: pizzahut.com

step two: large pizza

step three: barbeque sauce

step four: pepperoni, italian sausage, meatballs, ham, bacon, chicken, beef, and pork

step five: add triple chocolate brownie for $6.99

step six: eddie's credit card

step seven: don't eat the delivery guy

step eight: pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please!!!! Leave a comment and let me know how I did! I welcome your keyboard spam and deep psyche analyses of Venom's postings.
> 
> catch me swirling chocolate milk in a wine glass at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/


	3. dirt drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'd like you all to please consider Eddie Brock sitting at a fancy restaurant alone scarfing down four portion sizes while muttering to himself

Posted January 8, 2019 @ 3:19 AM

we went out again tonight. eddie wore his leather jacket and his nice jeans. we looked unquestionably delicious. eddie made our plans this time. a restaurant called oak. we ate soup and salad and steak and. lobster. with chocolate cake after. 

eddie was very happy tonight. he said it had been a long time since he'd had a date night.. i am glad. i want him to be happy in the morning also. i will make him his favorite dirt-flavored beverage before he wakes up.

coffee

ingredients

  * that machine in the kitchen
  * water
  * dirt (the bagged variety)



 

step one: wait until 7 am

step two: open the machine

step three: take the old dirt out

step four: take the paper out too why is that in there

step five: pour new dirt and water into the machine

step six: close the machine

step seven: put the cup under the spigot

step eight: turn the machine on

step nine: wake eddie up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please!!!! Leave a comment and let me know how I did! I welcome your keyboard spam or deep psyche analyses of Venom's postings. 
> 
> catch me downing spiked eggnog shots at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/


	4. sandwich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all been leaving such lovely comments and they s u s t a i n m e

* * *

Posted January 10, 2019 @ 1:32 AM

 

eddie has been doing some “early spring cleaning.” which is strange because i know he's never performed regular cleaning in the past. “new year new me” he says. regardless.

 

the important part of this is that we found pastries in the pantry. brownies. however, when i opened the box, it was just. powder. eddie says we need eggs and oil to make them and that we'll go shopping tomorrow. i have beenn chEaTED. i will make myself a sandwich.

 

sandwich

 

ingredients

  * the spreadable chocolate we found in the pantry today
  * chocolate bars



 

step one: open the spreadable chocolate

step two: put the spreadable chocolate on one of the chocolate bars

step three: lick spreadable chocolate off fingers

step four: lick spreadable chocolate out of container

step five: throw spreadable chocolate jar out the window so eddie doesn't know

step six: put the other chocolate bar on top of the first one

step seven: sandwich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chocolate bars still had the wrappers on them. Eddie be waking up in the morning tasting like Nutella and candy foil.
> 
> Please!!!! Leave a comment and let me know how I did! I welcome your keyboard spam or deep psyche analyses of Venom's postings.
> 
> catch me sobbing in the corner over The Boys at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/


	5. brownies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I have been replying to each and every comment. But! It's become! Kinda overwhelming actually, so I will not be replying unless I am directly addressed or just feeling inspired. I still read all your comments! I just have more time to work on updates now :>

Posted January 11, 2019 @ 2:54 AM

 

we went shopping. we bought oil and lots of eggs. i will feast. we also bought two jars of nutella (common name for spreadable chocolate). i put more in the cart when eddie looked away. he noticed. he said we couldn't empty the shelf. which is unreaasonable. i was going to take our wallet and buy it myself but eddie said we don't have enough for brownie ingredients and nutella. i will bring more nutella home on our next trip. we ate on the way home.

 

we baked the brownies immediately upon returning. eddie cooked with me this time but we disagreed on the recipe. eddie ended up making his own portion of brownies. we argued, but it was nice doing something different with eddie. eddie says we can add chocolate chips next time. i am excited for our next time.

 

brownies

 

ingredients:

  * box powder
  * eggs
  * oil



  


step one: pour half of the powder into bowl

step two: mix two eggs into powder

step three: mix oil

step four: eat egg

step five: spray a pan

step six: pour batter into pan

step seven: put pan in oven

step eight: eat my superior crunchy brownies in front of eddie and his loser brownies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The box very clearly had pictures of whole eggs.
> 
> Catch me marathoning Hannibal instead of working on my fanfiction at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/


	6. untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this wholesome content :)

Posted January 14, 2019 @ 10:56 PM  


eddie is sleeppnng now. he was not doing well todya. eddie became really sad. eddie waas not oaky today. aand hee was hurrting and crYigng and i ccouldnt fix itt. i couldntt fix it. therre was nothign to fix,,, i washurting tooo and i couldnt fix eddieee and i waas so aNgriy, theeere was nothingg to fixx i couldntt ake carre of eddieand i aws jusrt soo i ccounlt taek ccare of eedieererrree,r,,,,,sjjjfsfsrwrts

 


	7. tater tots and chocolate

Posted January 14, 2019 @ 11:49 PM

 

i triedd ot take care of rddie. i gave eddie hugs annbd ii madee him diner and i put hhim in besd so he coulfd asleep. my tater totts made eddiee cry. he said he was happy though. today was confusingg. i am so tired. 

 

tater tots andhcocolate

 

ingredinets:

  * tater tots
  * chocolate
  * nutella



 

step one: eddie is h ungryy he says hes not buut he needs ot eat

step two: turn onn toaster oven

step threee; make tater tots

step four: tater totts on plate

steepp five: hug edDdie hes cryingg aagaisn

step six: nutella on tater totts

step seven: nutella on chocelaet

step eight: plateto eddie

step nine: hug eddie he needss it

step ten: lickk eeddie

step eleven: feeed eeedie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this took me a little bit. anything that requires more than 15 minutes of forethought absolutely **f r i e s** me.
> 
> Also! I’m answering the first 10 asks I get as V over on my Tumblr. I’d say it’s to commemorate something, but I really just want to do it for fun.
> 
> Yell at me for being a little shit at https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/


	8. freezer pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _kicks down door_ WHAT YEAR IS IT WHEN DID I LAST UPDATE THIS FIC I’M SO SORRY I’M SO DAMN **LATE**
> 
> I reread a l l your comments and they give me strength. blease give me more i need them to l i v e
> 
> Also! Did you know! Tofu has phenylethylamine, the chemical found in chocolate that V canonically needs.

Posted January 18, 2019 @ 12:03 AM

 

ia m back. eddie is much better. we had several “self-care” days. though the first one entailed eddie eating nothing but tTORTILLA CHIsPS aaNd APpLEE JUICE. II had to goo be the one eto get,, dinner. which was delicious. i also helped eddie take a shower becuase he smmelled dis,gusting. he likes it when i rub the shampoo into his scalp for him. im grateful i have a way i can, take care of him.

 

the next day was better. eddie got noodles. eddie liked the bamboo shoots. there wasnt meat, but i like the toofu. it was tasty. we also went on walks and i held eddies hand. and we watched haNnibal together. i like hannibal because he is obviously the leadder but eddie thinks will is relatebl. whatever. more importanlty both eddie and i both agree that hannibal and will are in a relationship. thouGh THey;ve yetT t O KIssS,,, JjkBH8u2J;JK,,

 

anwyay. tonight eddie and i made our own pizza. not the ULtimate pizza from last time. eddie says im not allowed to do that anymroe. not while hes sleeping anyway. these pizzas were in the back ofthe freezer. 

 

freezer pizza

 

ingredients:

  * pizza box
  * schriachi sauce



 

step one: put frozen pizza on plate

step two: paper plate becasue eddie ddoesnt want to do dishes

step three: microwave for 3 minutes

step four: open scshrischa bottle

step five: put srchacha on pizza

step six: the sacue is me

step seven: its shaped like me

step eight: wait for eddie to take picture becuase he wont’ let mE EAT

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the fantastic [@Symbithotic](https://twitter.com/symbithotic) for the recipe
> 
> Hoohoohoo! Heeheehee! There may be bonus content (for this chapter and previous ones) for this fic over on my Tumblr!
> 
> Fondle me gently at <https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/>
> 
> I've got a Twitter now too! <https://twitter.com/candleaight> I might post drawings but be warned, they're all shitposts.


	9. pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s suspend reality and pretend Gordon Ramsay did  this recipe on TV and not on the web.

 

Posted January 24, 2019 @ 1:16 AM

 

eddie went to a job interview today. he dressed up in an uncomfortable suit. i don’t like the suit. the shirt chafes eddie’s neck. he says he needs to get a job because we need money to eat,, but the sttreets are so full of tasty snakcs…

 

eddie came home exhausted. we didn’t have a chance to do anything before he went to bed.. eddie is trying so hard to take care of us. of me. i want to help too…… i can help take care of eddie at least. i will cook eddie breakfast. i saw him looking at a pancake shop on the way home. gordon ramsay taught me how to make pancakes properly. we have all the ingredients

 

pancakes

 

ingredients:

  * flour
  * eggs
  * sugar
  * salt
  * baking powder
  * vegettable oil
  * no buttermilk but the spoiled milk in the refrigerator works
  * vanilla extract



 

step one: separate egg yolks from egg whites and egg shells

step two: beat egg white until its bubbly

step three: eat egg shells

step four: mix everything elsee together

step five: separate egg yolks

step six: beat egg white

step seven: eat egg shells

step eight: dont confuse sugar and salt

step nine: mix everything elsee together 

step ten: mix in egg whites

step eleven: cook pancake in pan

step twelve: pancakes on plate

step thirteen: we have no syrup

step fourteen: go steal ziggy’s syrup

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is astonished to find something edible waiting for him in the morning.
> 
> god i couldn’t find it but there’s this Quality piece of art depicting Venom finding money instead of a tater tot. it’s based off of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgct3Jn8pFA
> 
> Also inspired by [this](https://erinmccomics.tumblr.com/post/181757068192/eddies-asleep-time-to-make-pancakes)
> 
> Come talk to me at <https://candleaightYEET.tumblr.com/>


	10. April Fool's Update

https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Pageturner1/works/18316982


	11. "eggs"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V has been watching a lot of cooking shows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _omelette du fromage_

Posted February 2, 2019 @ 3:32 AM

today i went shopping with eddie again. the store was decorated… lots of red and pink hearts. though the hearts look more like asses than actual hearts. eddie says its meant to be romantic. there wasa lso lots of chocolate. more than usual. eddie bought me the regular chocolate bar (also covered in ass-hearts). i wonder if eddie likes the hearts…. he seemed melancholic after leaving the store…. i. didnt want to ask why. i was scared. am scared.

am i enough for eddie? does he miss other humans? i wwant eddie ot be happy…. even

even if he needs other people. it hurts. i dont want that. i don’t want to share him. i feel angry and i want to kep him to myself because hes mINe but what if eddie isn’t happy? i want eddie to b ehappyy,,

e,ven if he wants someone elsee..

i want to keep taking care of eddie. he enjoyed breakfast last time. i want to try to do things the way he likes…… make him happy…….

“eggs”

ingredients:

  * eggs
  * butter
  * spinach
  * cheese
  * bacon from yesterday
  * salt
  * black pepper



step one: crack eggs into bowl. eat shells  
step two: beat eggs  
step three: melt butter in pan  
step four: pour eggs into pan  
step five: let sit until moderately solid  
step six: place spinach, cheese, and bacon into center  
step seven: fold over to cover the fillings  
step eight: flip  
step nine: plate it  
step ten: season to taste  
step eleven: oh its 3:28  
step twelve: its gonna get cold  
step thirteen: wake eddie up its not going to be good cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bout the late updates y’all. I simply have… other pieces…. I’m working on….
> 
> But I do still want to continue this piece!
> 
> Come find me on Twitter! @candleaight

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Eddie's own goddamn blog](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434766) by [PreachingtotheQuire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PreachingtotheQuire/pseuds/PreachingtotheQuire)
  * [VENOM's blog not eddie's: Chapter 10](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18316982) by [candleaight (itsmesammie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmesammie/pseuds/candleaight)




End file.
